Too long

It has been, once again, some time since I last wrote to you folks. In my defence I have, in fact, written several blog posts or e-mails. None of them seem to be “up to snuff”. More and more they simply turn into a litany of misdeeds without any real substance or consequence. I get board simply proof reading and I love to hear myself talk (or type).

The compulsion to write doesn’t overcome a longing for standards unfortunately.

So nothing gets posted. Sometimes I start and then delete, other times I finish but never post.
I’ve been doing alot of introspective thinking lately. I have been in Africa now for a full year. Thinking back on who I was and what I thought all those months ago is fascinating and, at times, embarrassing. My youthful optimism was at its peak. I was going to fight and never lose! The world was my play ground! Watch out Africa become here comes Kevin!

Worry not, this wont digress into a tale of shattered hopes and misplaced dreams. If anything my dreams were far too small, my hopes narrow. When I got on that plane for Philly back in 2008 I had an idea in my head (despite all the warnings to do no such thing) that I’d change Lesotho one way or another. I was sure that my good deeds and positive attitude would make things go just great (golly gee). I was going to work hard, do my best, and if nothing came of it I could at least leave with a clean conscience that I’d given it my all.

I wasn’t naive.

I knew it was going to be hard and that likely very little would get accomplished.

It wasn’t that I had my hopes wrong, I simply had them in the wrong place. I was focused on how I would change the world around me instead of worrying about how the world would change me.

Overall the feeling is one of growth and confusion. I know I’ve changed in some way or another and I’ve defiantly grown up (for better or worse) in a lot of ways but to pinpoint any major change, or any one sport where I can say “I’ve become this” or “I’ve changed here” is impossible.

We will just have to see what happens when I hit the big world of the U.S.A. again next year.